Imagine a life without fear. Without discouragement, frustration, and despair. A life where nothing can ever make you feel “bad” again.
Is such a thing really possible? I’m not 100% certain… but I do know you can get awfully close. In the last few weeks I’ve been systematically eliminating unwanted emotional responses, and the effects have been amazing.
In the process, I’ve been learning some interesting things about the techniques I’ve been using, about their strengths and weaknesses. On the one hand, I’ve also found I can streamline the technique considerably, such that I can now zap an unwanted feeling in less than 30 seconds. On the other hand, I’ve found that the technique is incredibly specific. Zapping “despair” is not the same as zapping “frustration” or “disappointment” or “sorrow” or “grief”, even though there are similarities in the feelings.
This is a bit of a two-edged sword. On the plus side, it means I’m not as worried about accidentally amputating an essential feeling, because few of my feelings are anywhere near as generalized as the weakness/despair feeling I first cut out. On the minus side, it means I’ve had to apply the technique more often than I initially expected to.
Change Your Feelings, Change Your Life
And of course, sometimes cutting out a feeling has unexpected side effects, because sometimes a bad feeling keeps you from doing something. For example, my wife and I had a bit of a misunderstanding a couple of weeks ago, and I ended up yelling at the top of my lungs – something I’ve never, ever done before, because I would give up in frustration long before an argument could get to that point.
But the funny thing about that was this: it was a “clean” anger that prompted me to yell, and it went away completely afterward. In fact, Leslie and I were laughing about the whole thing just minutes later, when a fight like that might in the past have left us smoldering with resentments for days.
And don’t feel sorry for Leslie just because I yelled at her! A few days later, she made similar modifications to her own emotional profile (using the same technique), and I can attest that she’s equally capable of yelling at me now. 😉
In recent weeks, we’ve actually gotten more on each other’s nerves than perhaps ever before, but we’ve also been far more capable of adapting, troubleshooting, and fixing the problems caused by our mutual departure from co-dependency. Instead of giving in and resenting, we now both stand up for ourselves – even when the other person wasn’t really doing anything to us!
So before, when we had the same kind of defensive reaction to perceived slights, we tended to bury our responses because we had the counter-balancing emotions of despair, frustration, worthlessness, etc. Removing just one counter-balancing emotion can thus release an arsenal of previously-blocked and suppressed emotions.
Life is Growth… And the Growing Pains are Worth It!
But don’t get me wrong: neither Leslie nor I would go back to the way things were before, no matter how unpleasant the transition has been. But you should have your eyes open before undertaking any major life change like this, because it will affect the people around you. Luckily for me, Leslie and I share a common direction in life, to always be improving ourselves and seeking personal growth. So, we both recognize that either of us changing will produce “growth opportunities” for the other person, as our behavior and attitudes shift.
And the really great thing about this is that the removal of despair has made me tremendously more capable of handling such conflicts, in that I don’t give up, and I don’t freak out. This makes me a lot more resourceful and able to solve problems, propose compromises, etc., that I know I couldn’t have done two months ago.
So it’s definitely a change for the better, and mastering the skill of zapping unwanted emotions is helping us build an even stronger relationship. Just be aware that making these kinds of changes will affect your relationships, and not everybody is going to be happy with you or feel comfortable with your increased independence.
Now, that having been said, if you still want to transform how you respond to danger, discouragement, and despair, then you need to sign up for the September 16th teleseminar, “Banish Unwanted Feelings Forever”. It’ll be a group lesson in experimenting with the despair-ectomy techniques I’ve been using, with plenty of opportunities for Q&A.
Workshop attendance is free for anyone who owns a copy of You, Version 2.0. Before you attend, you’ll need to read parts 1 and 2 of The Refactored Self, starting at pages 69 and 189 of the book. You’ll also need to sign and fax in a copy of the workshop sign-up sheet, so I can email you the information you’ll need to log in to the teleconference, and that you’ll need to have when the workshop begins.
The Workshop Schedule
The workshop will begin at 6pm US/Eastern time, which translates to the following times in the 15 countries where the 66 current You, Version 2.0 readers live, from West to East around the globe:
Saturday, September 16th:
- USA: 3pm Pacific, 4pm Mountain, 5pm Central, 6pm Eastern
- Britain, Ireland, Portugal: 11pm
- Germany, Norway, Spain, France, Switzerland, Poland, The Netherlands: Midnight
Sunday, September 17th
- Israel: 1am
- Singapore: 6am
- Australia: 6am AWST, 7:30am ACST, 8am AEST
- New Zealand: 10am
Note: this is one workshop time, not seven! If you see times above that don’t match, it’s probably an error in my timezone calculations: please leave a comment so I can correct it!
Also note that if I haven’t included your country, it probably means you haven’t bought a book from me yet! That means that now is the perfect time to become the first person in your country to own a copy. And, you’ll literally be putting your country “on the map” – at least the above “map” of workshop timezones. So help educate this geography-ignorant American, buy a book today! 😉